Welcome to my new and improved website. Have fun, take a look around, and enjoy some of the site features including, scrolling galleries and embedded videos.

I'll be on here as often as I can to update you on my comings and goings. Enjoy the site.

Friday November 22, 2009

Woohoo, big news! I made it to the finals of the prestigous Seattle International Comedy Competition. I have a good chance of taking the whole thing, so I am pumped. Last show of the Semi-Finals tonight, but since I'm already a lock for the finals, I'll start working on my set for next week.

Have decided to take a trip to the UK in January to showcase, and try to start working over there a couple times of year. I hope the English find Cubans funny. I'm also planning to hit up some cities in Canada during the Spring and Summer so 2010 is shaping up to be a grand ole year.

Gonna also hit an open mic tomorrow in Seattle at the Comedy Underground to work a new joke about the first time I showed my weiner to a girl (3rd grade) and how that process started a lifelong trend of extroverted behavior :) I will also discuss my disdain for Santa and the lies that parents perpetuate every year to children they "Love." A little of this and a little of that, standard.

Overall life is good, so bring on Da Finals!

-Jose

Friday November 6, 2009

I am the worst journal writer ever. Once a season, really!?!? Not that I think people are just waiting for what I'll write next, but 5 months. Even my Mother was like, "Ju no rie on ju gweb paish no mohr?"

Anyways, its been an amazing bunch of months. I've started to headline about half the time and I'm learning so much about myself and how to improve the act that my ambition for this thing has been super tweeked to 11.

I'm currently in the preliminaries of the prestigous Seattle International Comedy Competition. I took first the first night and second last night with four more shows to go. I'm in a good spot, but many challenges still await so I'm staying focused.

So that's what's going on with me. I recently realized though that I want friends who, when they get really wasted, turn into big Teddy Bears, "man, I love you guys, burp, did I ever tell you that, you're the best." Cuz honestly the dude that gets smashed and wants to fight all the time, needs to go to jail more than you keeping him out of view from the cops and getting punched in the face. Had fun Clarkston, sorry about your cousin Tim!

I'll let you know how I've been doing the next time I write in the spring (J/K, going to try to write more often).

Laugh Out Loud hardly ever happens so I write Haha (how you like them apples texters?)

Peace,
-Jose

Sunday June 28, 2009

Yeah yeah, it's been a while. I know, but I've got lots to report. First of all, I'm looking to buy a house in L.A. in the fall and be there more often. Gotta make a solid try to get on all the TV Stand-Up shows before next summer and I think L.A. is probably my best bet. We'll see how that pans out. I also am in talks to be one of the stars of a TV show on NBC. It'll be local to southern Texas markets at first, but if it gets good response, who knows. I'll keep you updated. More recently though, I got on the Tampa area Fox 13 news show "The Lightning Round" on Friday. I'll put up clips when I get 'em, but my Sis thinks I did good. Was in Tucson last weekend with Chad Miller at Laff's and those were an amazing bunch of shows. This week in Tampa went awesome too. I got one more show tonight at SideSplitters 7 o'clock show. I'm working with Billy Wayne Davis, who toured with Ralphie May quite a bit, and it's been a great bunch of shows.

Next week, I'm back in Texas for the Valley Tour, check my calendar page for locations and times. After the tour ends on July 3rd, I'll be at Homer's July 4th at 9 o'clock in Austin, TX. Those should be fun as I'll be working with my old bud Anton Shuford. Hope you can make it out to a show.

As for new jokes, I'm really happy with this one that I'm doing tonight in this format. Tell me what you think:

Going from Tucson to Tampa was great because it's good to be around people who can drive in the rain! I know the Tampa locals would disagree, but they didn't see the drivers in Tucson.
People stopped on the road, looking up, "Why is there water falling from the sky?!?!"
I don't get mad, though, because when I moved from Miami to Colorado I was the guy driving in the snow like, "Go the Hell AROUND!! Why is there Cocaine falling from the sky?!?!? Oh no, the Columbians are taking over..."

It's gotten good response at parts so far, we'll see if this will be a show-ready version.

Till next time,

-Jose

Sunday Apr 4, 2009

Wow, long time since I got on here. I thought being on the road full time would give me oodles of time to write a blog and journal. Whatever, I go to sleep thinking of the all the crap I still have left to do. At least I'm writing every day so that's good. Here's the latest:

"Song lyrics today suck!!
The Way I Are by Timbaland for example, here's a lyric to sample:
'I ain't got a motor boat, but I can float your boat'
Dude! You can't rhyme boat with BOAT! It didn't work when you lost your 2nd grade Haiku contest, it's not gonna work now either.
And Beyonce, I love her work, but that song 'Single Ladies?' What is she teaching our little boys?
'If you like it, put a ring on it'
If you like it? Shouldn't you love it?
If you like it, you put your THING in it...
If you like that, and then you love it, THEN put a ring on it. You can't skip that step fellas, that's how you lose half your crap!"

The Beyonce part's been working well, we'll see if the Timbaland part has any oomph to it this weekend.

Anywho, shows this weekend in Del Rio at the Paul Poag Theater of the Performing Arts on Friday night April 10th at 8 PM, and at The Venue Saturday April 11th at 8 PM with Felipe Esparza. Tickets on sale now just call 609-332-1680

Till next time campers,

-Jose

Monday Feb 9, 2009

Hey ya'll, I'll be at Hyenas this weekend and one night only, I'll be Headlining on Thursday Feb 12! Print out this flyer to get in 2 for 1. It'll be the very funny Todd Larson, up and coming Blair Thompson, and I rocking it out in Arlington! Hope you can make it out.

-Jose

Monday Jan 19, 2009

Just thought I'd catch everybody up on the crazy month and a half since last I wrote. First of all, I'm out of the Air Force active duty now (woohoo paying for health insurance), and on the road full time. I've never been so hopeful and happy in all my life people. For those that know me well, you know that's saying something, cuz I'm practically Tigger these days. I am writing and sculpting the act at a rate that continues to accelerate, and am getting on stage nearly every night. Woo hoo hoo hoo buddy bear!

I spent the holidays in Miami so I got to see family and be home for the longest stretch I've had since winter breaks in college. Love that town, missed my folks, all is well.

This week I'm on a fabled Tribble Run and it's been an adventure working the northwest. I started down in the Phoenix area on the way here at the Comedy Spot in Scottsdale and got to try out for this year's Aspen Comedy Festival. I then drove my happy ass to Grants Pass Oregon for a one nighter (go Cavemen). Then I drove up the next night for two shows at the Mill Casino with Jason Stewart headlining. He used to hang with Mitch Hedberg and he's a regular on Howard Stern's show. How cool is that?!?! His closing joke stays with you days after you here it...

I then hit Portland for an open mic with Dax Jordan, who let me crash at his place, thanks bud. I then scored a last minute feature spot at the Comedy Underground in Seattle opening for Arj Barker of Flight of the Conchords fame. Peter Greyy let me crash on a pull out coach the first night, thanks man. The comraderie I'm encountering in this business so far is very heartening; probably the source of most of my hope. Last night, Jason and I finished our week in lovely Spokane Valley, WA. Last time I was here was for Air Force training on resisting interogation. Didn't take a beating this time, sweet!

I'm at it again this week on Wednesday in Lewiston, ID and then Thu-Sat at Joker's comedy club in Richland, WA. If you can make it, come check out how the act is growing.

Much Love, Good luck Barack!
-Jose

Monday Dec 1, 2008

I'm back home after a hella good weekend in Las Vegas. I may be coming there next year to tell the jokeys. Pretty exciting. Big event this week is my show at the Rivercenter Comedy Club in San Antonio. I'll be headlining this Wednesday with Walter Campbell and Chase Durousseau. Tickets available online and by phone. Information is above, just click on the add to cart option and I'll see you there. It should be a terrific show.

-Jose

Saturday Oct 25, 2008

Back home after a little run in South Texas. Coming off two pretty good sets, I'm starting to feel alot more comfortable with my 45 minutes to an hour set. It's nowhere near where I think it can be, but I'm happy with it's progress nonetheless. The folks in McAllen and South Padre Island Texas got their money's worth I think. Here are some pics on MySpace. Thanks to everyone that came out, I appreciate your support and the laughter always makes me feel good.

Big thanks to those that put the shows together, from Paul Anthony for booking me to Isaac in McAllen, and Cedric in Padre that put on amazing shows and treated me and Carlos Maestas (my feature) really well.

Week before that, worked at Side Splitters in Tampa with Todd Yohn and wow, what a great week. Learned alot from the guy and as always the staff and ownership were awesome.

Now it's back to the grind: write the jokes, work the open mics and showcase shows, and prep for the next performance. I'll be hosting at The Laff Spot in Houston this coming weekend. If you're around, come and catch the action, it promises to be a good bunch of shows.

In other big news, Monday I will have one of my bits, the Prius joke, featured on the homepage of RoofTopComedy.com. They got a few clips of me on there also, so check it out if you get a chance.

To update ya on the act, I will be working a new joke today about how I came full circle as a roommate. My last roommate tells me I am the best roommate she's ever even heard of, and my first roommate tried to kill me in my sleep. Hopefully that bit will go well.

Take it easy,

-Jose

Monday Sep 29, 2008

So I'm back in Texas which means, if you've been keeping up, that I didn't make the finals in the San Francisco Comedy Competition. What an amazingly stressful, exciting, and educational week. I was in position to advance until the very last show and missed it by 0.3 points on a 55 point scale. Crushing, true, but everyone going is definitely deserving. I've never been in such a talented contest as my two weeks out in San Fran, and I've been in a few contests in my day. I made some great new buds in the comedy world and learned alot about my act being out there. I wish the 5 finalists the very best, I'm sure it'll be another adventure.

I've been called something of a technician at comedy, so here are somethings I took home with me for those who care and follow my act:

My jokes need a total overhaul. I've spent all my years in comedy honing the act for getting big laughs and being memorable. During this time, my physical technique, precision, and delivery have developed, but with almost no guidance from me. For this reason, I seem to meander on stage, body movement is sometimes distracting the audience from my words, and I, basically, don't really address the audience in the most effective manner physically. I need to focus preparation time into how the words will sync up with my body movements to maximize effect. Also, I will continue to write and make my stories more robust, instead of the little previews of possibly longer jokes that they are now.

When in these long "festival type" contests, a rigid set selection may work, but doesn't address issues of how late in the show you go, who you're following and what they do, who the host is, and who is your audience. A competition set list must have some flexibility to adjust to these factors in a contest like this one. It will sacrifice some of the polish that a rehearsed set would have (as would be practiced for a Letterman appearance for example), but it will increase the effect of your jokes on the audience and the judges.

Sometimes one, some, or all of the judges won't like you. Doesn't matter that people were stomping their feet and really loving you, sometimes, like the Canadian ice skating doubles team in 2002, you just get hosed. Push on through and hope it doesn't happen every night.

When I do this thing again, I will be ready.

For continued updates on the standings, check out this page. I am disappointed not to move on, but I am proud to have made it as far as I did, especially for the field of competition. Thanks to everyone involved who got me out there.

-Jose

Wednesday Sep 17, 2008

Wow, what a week! The San Fran Comedy Competition was quite an adventure. I met some amazing performers and was really impressed by the level of talent. Here's my little recap: I ended up placing 4th overall for the week which moves me on to the semi-final round 23-28 Sep. Achieving this was no small victory either. I placed 6th and 7th the first two nights and was at a loss as to why I didn't place top 5. I made an adjustment (went TV clean) the rest of the weekend and I'm pretty sure that's what secured my high scores. The scoring was crazy. It was like 7 categories, and audience reaction was less than half the point totals. I placed on Saturday night with OK crowd reactions, and a few others killed and didn't even finish in the top 5. Maybe my strategy worked, or maybe, like figure skating, it's all super subjective. Either way, I'm happy to be moving on, and the competition next week is going to be intense, I'm sure. Check out details, showtimes, and venues at the official San Francisco Comedy Competition website.

On the upside, my family in Houston seems to have made it through Hurricane Ike without too much duress. Power is still out and some insurance claims will be made, but everyone's OK, so that's good. Maybe everybody will move back to New Orleans, we'll have to wait and see.

I'll let you know how Northern Cali treats me next week.

Peace and Love my little Droogees,
-Jose

Saturday Aug 30, 2008

In Odessa this weekend at the Wild West Comedy and Sports Bar. Last nights shows went great. For those that heard me on the radio here is the DISCOUNT FLYER for tonights show. Print it out and present at the door. Hope to see you there.

-Jose

Saturday Aug 9, 2008

So, big things happening since last I wrote. Sorry for the long delay (in case anyone is reading this thing), got a new position at work and until december my time is going to be regulated to the minute most days. Speaking of which, good news. I definitely have that Air Force Reserves position here in lovely Del Rio, so my dreams of teaching young aviators and retiring from the Air Force looks like they'll definitely come true. So look for lots of shows starting this winter and a pretty hectic road schedule. I am super pumped about it all!

Also, just got the new print of the shirt with the turtles, uh, swimming together. I'll have them available for sale on the merch page in a few days if you want em.

Life is good, I'm headlining at the Velveeta Room in Austin's super awesome 6th street bar district, and last night was awesome. Tonight promises to be some excellent shows also. Come on out if you can make it.

Besides that, my Mom has a gambling problem (but I won't tell her nothing, I saw that little woman kill a rooster with her bare hands), my little Sis is cranking up another year of college (recently saw the Sex and the City movie with her and she geeked out about prada like I did when the front of the batmobile turned into that wicked motorcycle in the Dark Knight), and one of my two best friends tied the knot (his Dad made me perform a set at the reception despite my obvious drunkeness, I was funnier drunk as I always suspected, I'll get you for that big Joe). All in all, life is pretty grand. I'll hit this thing up when the weekend's over.

Peace,
-Jose

Thursday May 15, 2008

Big thank you to all those that came out two weeks ago to the river center comedy club. The shows were hot and it looked like most everyone had a good time. Working with Brad Upton was also pretty sweet. Last weekend, Uncle Sam had me working an airshow at our base out here in Del Rio, TX. I was supposed to sell Hot Dogs and Burgers, but as soon as I got there, they were like, "you're name is JOSE! You can make the Fajita's authentic!! Hey everybody, we got a ringer!" Look, I eat my fajitas at Chili's K, it's not a cultural staple food for me. Hell to Cubans, a fajita is a small slip under a woman's dress. Don't know anyone that eats that, but I have seen stranger stuff on the internet.

Heading out this weekend to New Hampshire for one of my two best friend's weddings. He's the first of the brotherhood to fall, so I expect I'll probably tear up during the toast I wrote. Standard Ops there.

I get asked alot, because I'm a pilot, if I have a cool call sign. Those that have seen Top Gun may remember such cool call signs as 'Maverick,' 'Hollywood,' or 'Ice Man.' I didn't get one of these, shit I'm not even 'Goose.' My first call sign was 'Sleepy.' I wanted something tough, instead I get named after a DWARF, with NARCOLEPSY!?! Not even a cool dwarf like Doppy, that guy got ass. You know you can't get no street cred if your nick name is Sleepy. And my friends tell me, "cheer up, at least you're not Bashful." Oh good, I'm not the flamer dwarf, my life's looking up.

I got the callsign because I can fall asleep like it's my job. I don't even have to be tired. This made the other crew members jealous, I think. We had a crew bunk on my plane and they would go there for 4 hours and get maybe 30 minutes of good sleep. Hell, I used to do military parades where you stood in place holding a rifle for 30 minutes, and I SLEPT like that. Good sleep too, like the kind where you wake up with a boner.

Got that skill from Grandpa, I would say. Grandpa'll be at a party and if no one's talked to him for a few minutes, he shuts down like C3PO in Star Wars. It's quite amazing to see actually. Especially because my Grandpa probably has scar tissue by his ribs where my Grandma's elbow always hits him to wake him up. And he doesn't miss a beat either. He wake's up talking like, "Si, Claro." Which means, "Yes, of course." That guy's been married a long time and knows what he's doing. He wakes up from dead sleep agreeing with Grandma.

Anyway, I'll tell you how the wedding goes. The next big show will be at the Velveeta Room in Austin, TX Jun 13-14. I love 6th Street and Austin in general, so it should be a sweet time. Come out if you're in the area.

Live the Dream,
-Jose

Wednesday April 23, 2008

Lotsa stuff going on recently. I just won the Funniest Person in South Texas title for 2008 out at the river center comedy club. It was a great show with some really good performances, so I'm really happy I won. Here's a picture. Also, the shows with Jeff Garcia in Corpus Christi went well. He said he could hook me up if I stayed the whole week when I make my trip to L.A. in July. Hope that works out.

Headlined this past weekend in San Antonio and it went great. It seemed people enjoyed the show, but it's a good thing I had some material in reserve. The show was BYOB and by the end, all that booze and Fiesta (big boozing festival in S.A.) created some hecklers. One lady kept exposing sex secrets (she's a screamer), to the dismay of her husband. Oh well, at least my room was not next to theirs.

I tried this one on Saturday, tell me what you think:

"One of my goals in life has always been to be a good person. Someone who people go, 'that's a good dude right there.' So who's a good example? Santa.

I mean Santa may not be real, but nobody says, 'Santa, what a douche bag!' Their not attacking him in the mall like, 'give the elves a union you selfish prick!'

But we know how to spot a good person mostly because we know the traits of a bad person. Like Papa Smurf, that guy's evil. 'What's with the red tights Papa Smurf, we're all wearing white you commie, and where are the rest of the BITCHES!! I get to bang Smurfette once every leap year, and then it's like stickin it in a cave."

Well, starting to promote the San Antonio shows next week. I just did a photo shoot for a magazine article on me. I'll put that up when I get a copy. Come check me out at the river center comedy club Apr 30-May 4. It should be fun.

Laugh it up fuckers,
-Jose

Monday March 31, 2008

Well my week at the Punchline went awesome. I got to do radio in Spanish and English. Turns out, I need to Q/C my jokes when I do them in Spanish cuz Cubans and Mexicans have different terms for shit (not good when it's the punchline to a joke). Working with Al Madrigal was awesome, though, and the club said they'd have me back, woohoo! I've started a mailing list too (still working to get it live on here), so people can keep abreast of what I'm doing. All in all, a great weekend.

One of the waitresses introduced me to her boyfriend while I was there and he pulls me in and says, "I got a joke for you..."

That has never been followed by a good joke yet, by the way. This was the whopper he laid on me: "Why are the pussy lips better than the mouth lips? Cuz the pussy lips can't talk..."

Brilliant!!!! Bleh. I tried to cut off an uncomfortable situation by adding this:

"Well you're gonna freak out when you do hear one talk. I pulled out once and heard bbbrrrrr-heeey" Was that vagina complaining? Don't know if I'm ready for a bitching coochie; bbbrrrr-why don't you ever buy me flowers? bbbrrrrr-how come you don't like my friends? bbbrrr-you never take me dancing anymore..."

I don't know, maybe I'll try it on stage and see if it sticks in the act. Let me know what you think.

Tonight I have the Funniest In South Texas finals in San Antonio. It should be a good show, if you're around come check it out at the river center comedy club. Here's the flyer.

Well I'll be in Corpus this weekend featuring with Jeff Garcia who does the voice for the slow kid on JImmy Neutron. I'll let you know how it goes.

Peace,
-J

Thursday March 20, 2008

Out in Hotlanta this weekend at the Punchline with Al Madrigal. I'm pumped as this is one of the premier clubs in the country and Al is a great performer. The last time I performed with him was a guest set in Houston like a year ago. If you're around Atlanta, you should come check it out. It'll be a good show. Check the flyer.

It dawned on me recently that I wish I could remember my dreams. It would help explain some of the things I say half asleep. The other day I woke up and muttered, "Fuck Mimes..."

What the hell was I dreaming about. Was I fucking a mime? Cuz that's tough in the dark, you can't tell if they're having a good time. Or was I angry at mimes? Like at a city council meeting, "damnit mayor, these mimes keep taking our jobs!"

This is not the first time I've uttered something off the wall as I came out of slumberland. In college my suitemate heard me roll over, as he was making coffee, and heard me drop this one, "Hey dude, you still got that purple studded vest, I need it, I'm going to Vegas tomorrow..."

Crazy huh? I mean who wears a purple studded vest GOING to Vegas? I should've just asked for a big white tiger while I was at it.

As I was typing this, one of the owners called me and told me Al is doing a spanish radio station tomorrow morning. Woohoo, Al doesn't speak spanish, so I'll be on the radio!! Thanks for keeping me bilingual Mom!

I'll let you know how it goes.

-Pepe

Sunday March 9, 2008

Good weekend out in Phoenix, had some good sets and apparently got hired to roast somebody's grandma for her 70th birthday in January. Didn't see that coming. I have roasted people in the past, so I have a couple of ideas, but it will definitely be a challenge. Hope she makes it to January too, you can do it Granny!!

Got to hang out with my old college roomie last night after the show. Had a blast, and he's still as tall and lanky as ever! Good to see ya Cogs.

During one of the shows I asked a lady if she'd kissed her man the first night they went out and she answered, "He's pretty normal..."

What!?!? That answer had nothing to do with the question! It's gotta be hard to talk to that lady. It's like asking, "What's your name?" and getting, "I like toothpaste!"

I'll probably keep that in the act. Wow.

Thanks to everybody that came out to the shows, I appreciate your support more than I can say. A special thanks to Ilin for driving me around all weekend and taking care of me, and to Sean at The Comedy Spot for having me on. I hope to be back soon.

Talk at ya later,
-Jose

Friday March 7, 2008

Tumultuous times the last few weeks; lots of ups and downs. Flew out to Phoenix for the Last Comic Standing try-outs last week. Lesson learned: If you want to be on TV, you gotta know somebody. I slept outside, like a ghetto camping trip, with the rest of the cattle call. Turns out, nobody without an invite had any legitimate chance of going before the celeb judges. Oh well, next year I will work hard to get an invite.

Went back to Philly last weekend, it was good to be on the Laff House stage again. Went to McGillan's Ale House for a couple of drinks too, love that place. Philly still smells like sewage every half a block, but I hope to be back in the city of brotherly love soon.

This week I made the finals for the Funniest in South Texas comedy competition. If you're in San Antonio come on out March 31 to the Rivercenter Comedy Club and check it out. It'll be a good show.

Here's a snippet of what I'm writing right now:

Asked some women if a man asked them to dance politely (ie "Excuse me Ms., would you like to dance?" as opposed to sneakin up on you from behind like a scene from a prison shower) and they all said the same thing, "What's he look like?" Ain't that a bitch?

Ladies may say looks aren't important, but they are. Women will date a guy who treats them like shit just cuz he's good lookin.

"Jenna, he's a dick you need to leave that asshole!"

"I am, i'm just gonna fuck him like 3 more times to get it out of my system. I mean, shit girl, you've seen his abs. He's so good lookin, I probably would have let him hit me! But only if it turned into sex after"

Just some thoughts I had. Let me know if you like: admin@josesarduy.com

Anywho, on a plane to Phoenix right now for a show in Scottsdale. Performing with Kenny Kane and I hear he's phenomenal. I'll let you know how it goes.

Much Love,
-Jose